It is extraordinary how unintentionally selfish I can become. In my head I am a kind, caring, and selfless person. In reality, I am so focused on myself that I can't even see what people around me are experiencing and feeling. Sometimes I just need a reminder.
I didn't used to care about this. In fact, I used to make a hobby of annoying people. I was so good at it that you can unfortunately see little bits of that in my personality today. I still get a kick out of pushing people's buttons. Just ask Kara about that. Then, one day, for no reason I can explain, I decided that I didn't like it and I wanted to change. Perhaps that was the moment I started growing up. About that time, I was given this book to read. That was the book that began my journey.
Now, by saying I began a journey, I don't want you to think that I have finished it. I'm not writing to tell you about my transformation into a beautiful butterfly. No, my journey is more like a chaotic, fumbling walk through an unfamiliar house at night where the kids don't put away their Legos. Lots of stubbed toes, swearing, and tipped vases. But this journey has taught me something.
The truest thing in life is honestly connecting with people.
I wish that I had more of this connection. but I let everything distract me. I let the easy distractions that technology provides fill up my time so that I wonder what happened and why I haven't built a pottery wheel yet. I complain to myself about how nobody called me today and I'm going to die alone. I complain about this while I sit in a dark basement in front of a computer. And so I need reminders.
Tonight I watched this video again. Please watch it. It is beautiful. What she says feels so very true to me. The connections she talks about are so very real to me. And because she has reminded me, I am going to quit complaining. I am going to quit wondering why I feel lonely, and I am going to go out and see you. Really see you. I am going to do this, and I am going to be happy, and I am going to give you a little bit of my life, and you are going to give me a little bit of yours, and we are both going to be happier. Or we are going to split somebody's burden of sadness and be less sad. I am going to do this, and my life will be better.
At least until the next time I forget.
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