My middle name is Hallam. One of my friends is named Cody.
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I also know a future advertising exec, a fashion goddess, several professional musicians, a photographer, couple of models, a movie maker, one person who helps troubled youth, and a wilderness adventure guide. All of these people have embraced something inside of them that really is truly them. They have a style of dressing, of talking, of creating, of living, that is totally theirs. They have a community of like minded people, who are as individual and wonderful as they are. Knowing all of these people has enriched my life greatly. It has also brought to my mind a question. A question I ponder at night, when I realize I have spent another entire day not doing anything. An entire day not becoming me. An entire day avoiding all the things that make a person. That question is this:
Who am I?
I don't mean Who Am I, like the Jackie Chan movie. I mean, Who am I? If I were to really sit down and think about it, I have no idea what the things are that set me apart from the rest. I don't know what are the things that assign me to a group of people. I play D&D. Am I a dungeon nerd? I rock climb. Do I belong with the granola crowd? I quite enjoy playing guitar, mandolin and didjeridoo, but I certainly don't fit in well with the musician crowd. I play WoW quite a bit, but I don't feel that I am "one of them." I love to shoot guns, and own them. I even know a bit about them. You still wouldn't be able to say that I am a true-blue Hick. (I say hick here because I don't know what other label to give them. I mean the people who have the "Charlton Heston is my President" bumper stickers) I can read and enjoy philosophy. Would you call me a coffee shop thinker dude? As you can see, when I get right down to it, I have no idea who I am. I don't even have a particular style of dress. I just where clothes that Kara told me to buy (mostly). So here it is again:
Who am I?
Who you are is the decision you make of which of these elements and all the others you didn't mention here you want to define you. Partly. Half of who you are is who you choose to be, but the other half is what people see in you. I actually really believe this. I can say I'm something all I want, but if everyone I know sees something else, they will define me by what they see, and treat me acordingly. You determine yourself at least partially by how you are treated, and so who they think you are affects your own definition. So, those two halves together determine who you are. What I find to be interesting is that this post, while all introspectivy on the surface still avoids answering the question. You dance around defining yourself by giving all the possible deffinitions that you don't believe. I'll tell you who I think you are as soon as you tell me who you think first.
ReplyDeleteIf I knew the answer, I wouldn't have to ask the question, now would I?
ReplyDeleteA son of God, worthy to hold the Priesthood, searching for the purpose in your life. A loyal friend and family member, an intellect, a lover of people, music, and good fun. A comedian, a climber, a thinker. A very caring and concerned man, yet laid back and chill. Some of the things that make up my cousin... who is infinitely cooler and wiser than I...
ReplyDeleteI do love you. :)