How does my sister always manage to call me at the most inopportune times? I always have to end the conversation quickly and it makes me feel like a total ass. Am I always going to be mean to people in my family? Am I mean to my mother? I am occasionally rude to my father, I know. Which brings me to one of those ridiculous worries we all have. Here is mine:
Am I an incurable asshole?
I ask this because I have spent the last 5 or 6 years trying to be a nice person, and I still manage to offend people with ease, even when I am trying specifically to be extra nice. Take New Years Eve this year. My friend Shena invited me over to a place where some people were (her friends) and I decided to go. I went in with the specific attitude of trying to be nice and see only the positive side of people. I left feeling like I had done pretty well, only to have Shena tell me a few days later I hadn't been that nice. See what I mean?
Contrast this with my friend Mary. She has told me several times that I am a very kind and considerate person. That I am especially loving. Mary has known me for several years, so I feel like she has some basis for her opinion. But so has, and so does Shena. Which, then, do I believe? Am I actually an asshole on the inside, trying to hide in the sheepskin of a nice guy? Or am I actually a kind, caring man?
From here, I am going to talk about how we form our opinions of ourselves. Where do we get our self view? The two most basic elements forming our self view are environment and though process. We are, first and foremost, what we think we are. I think I am funny. Ask my friends and you will see that I am funny. But this is not the only think affecting our view. Our environment plays a huge role in determining what thought we have in the first place, and subsequently, how they manifest.
The two factors are very closely linked, each one determining the effect of the other. If I were writing a book, I would probably discuss this more, but I am only presenting these ideas to resolve the dilemma posted above. I think that I am a nice person. I think this because I intend to be kind. There are, however, settings in which I am rather a jerk. But these seem to be few enough that I can call myself, overall, a nice person.
Post Script: If anyone comments, please keep your opinions of me to yourselves...unless they are positive.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
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Dan,
ReplyDeleteI thought you did a good job on New Year's Eve. I think often times, our opinion of ourselves at any given moment colors how we perceive other people acting in certain situations.
There is a little bit of everything in you, and whatever someone else is feeling at any given moment will shape what they want to see come out.
Lindsey
You are an ass. But not an asshole. What I think perhaps more accurate is a drama queen. I never said you were mean or horrible. I said there were one or two moments you were less nice. I, myself, have many many more moments of un-niceness then you, I'm just too much of a wimp and a kiss up to let people know most of the time. is that admirable? No.
ReplyDeleteThink of others, not how others are responding to you, and you'll never have to worry if you're being a jerk. I admit that its much harder to be nice and think of others, at times, than I would like, but if you're truly focused on the other person, and what will make them happy, you will make them happy. Obviously, when I tell you bad things about you, I am not focused on you because it doesn't make you happy. And apparently what others tell us about ourselves makes some difference in oursevles, but I have to say I don't think it should. This is way too long and not all I think, but I want you to know that a) I love you and think you are a wonderful person and b)I don't actually know you very well at all. I see you on occassion, and in very similar cirmcumstances. I have seen very few sides of Dan, so my opinion is null and void.