Shiny Shena the Shaman

Shena brings up a good question: if there were no expectations and no taboos, what would I want?

I spend a lot of time in my life thinking about all of the things I do. I think about all of the things I want and how they effect my choices. Actually, more often than not, I think about how the things I want effect how I feel about what I have already done. Quite frequently I have found that my desires and my actions are not necessarily in agreement. I wonder if maybe what I want is only an illusion. Perhaps what I really want, deep down in my bone marrow, is the true motivation behind my actions. Unfortunately I cannot think of any plausible way to test this theory. So, my secondary plan of action is to create such a forceful set of desires in my conscious brain (the one that may be illusory) that its sheer mass squashes any underlying wants. I know, its a very brutish way to solve my problems....but its a method I have used before in bouldering so I am hoping it works in this setting too.

But back to the original question...If there were no taboos or expectations, what would I do with my life? What would I pursue? Well, because I use my blog as a medium for self exploration/expression, prepare to hear what I have to say about this. I would like to think that I would strive to spend all of my time outside. Well, maybe not all, but a good chunk of it. It is very possible I would not wear clothes nearly as often as I do now. (What? No taboos, remember?) I would definitely not be in college, and I would probably be in either Portland or Provo. ...To be totally honest, I am not sure how to fully answer this question? I think it is more useful as benchmark for judging how happy we are with the road our life is currently on. It is questions like these that guide us as we strive for that elusive state of perfect happiness.

As we use these benchmarks, we also have the blessing of other people. Everyday we come in contact with more people, and for better or worse, they influence our journey. Allow me to use this opportunity to thank just a few of those people who have influenced my journey. (mostly for the better) There are some of you who didn't get in here because I couldn't find you on the internet. But you also aren't reading this, so thank you to all those who see this.

No, That's my spleen...

If I were to look inside you, what would I find? And don't tell me I'd find your colon, because I wouldn't. I don't even know what it looks like. What I mean to say is, if I were able to see your motivations, what would I see? If I could see what you really, truly wanted, what would it be? I think, sometimes, we trick ourselves into believing that we want something just because we know it is the good thing to want. Or we tell ourselves that we are doing things for the most noble of reasons. Take church attendance for example. What do you really want from church? If you look deep inside yourself, and strip away all the protective layers, what would we find as your motivation for attending church? My motivations are these: mostly, because I told God I would go every Sunday if I could, but additional factors are role expectations, social factors and habit. These motivations are sufficient to get me up and off to church every Sunday, but do I really want to go? Having experienced Sundays without having the opportunity to attend, I can safely say that yes, I do want to go.

But lets get away from religious matters. What keeps us college students in school? Why are we here, paying to have the chance to spend every waking hour pursuing a degree? Why do some people choose to marry, and some not? Why do we participate in our various pastimes? I feel like it is important to ask these questions so that we may better understand ourselves. As Socrates said, "And unexamined life is not worth living." But why should we examine our lives? If we examine our lives, we will notice that we neglect certain aspects of life more than others. If we look closely, we will see our imbalances. Balance is so important. If we can't maintain balance in our lives, one force or another will push us over the proverbial edge.

Those are my thoughts for the day...

Frankl-stein

Its pretty good. Yes, all told, life is pretty good. I say this because I am living a fairly righteous life. Because I am spending so much time rock climbing. Because I am given the opportunity to be outside, either on bike or on foot, in the perfect whether Provo gets in the fall. I am managing to stay caught up in all my classes so far.

On a related note, let me share with you some quotes:

"Don't aim at success--the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue...as the unintended side-effect of one's personal dedication to a course greater than oneself." --Viktor Frankl

"The best moments usually occur when a person's body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile."
--Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Body, Mind and Spirit

There is a story about three individuals, Body, Mind and Spirit. They were the closest of friends. They shared a friendship that filled each with joy. A joy that shone like a light from inside. They made choices. Choices that left behind a withered relic of a friend. These choices were despised. They were looked upon as the most base and evil act, yet they were frequently indulged. Indulged....yes, that is the word. Indulged. For the choices came from the Body. Base impulses spawning from the most animal instincts. Impulses in direct contradiction to the Spirit. These impulses were known to be harmful to the Spirit. They were known to leave spirits wasted behind them. Yet the Body wanted them. Like a child screaming for more candy, the Body kept screaming for more. And the Spirit indulged. The Spirit withdrew from the Mind, and the Mind gave the Body the candy it so desperately wanted. This battle occurred frequently, always with the same outcome. With time, it became easy to give the Body its candy, just to stop the incessant whining. The Mind almost automatically fed the impulses of the Body. After a time, the Mind began to notice a change. A subtle change. Something that did not directly affect the Mind, nor the Body, but something impalpable and elusive. A short while later, this change was noted by the Body. There was a lack. A hole. Something missing. All of this time, when the Mind indulged the Body it denied the Spirit, leaving it parched and empty. The Spirit was no more than a withered husk, barely resembling its former beauty. The Body and the Mind looked upon the corpse with horror, aghast that anyone could do this. “Who has murdered our friend?” they wondered. “Who is capable of draining someone so completely?” In passing, the mind caught a reflection in a mirror. Is that me? What has happened?....The Mind looked closer, then looked at the
Body. Both were haggard and dull. Where once they shone brightly with inner light, there remained only a mockery of the former splendor. They were empty.

The two remaining friends tried to move on. But they noticed again that impalpable change. They were not as close. It seemed as though the loss of Spirit had dimmed their joy, their light, their friendship, their lives. With the Spirit gone, nothing seemed as satisfying. What could be done? The Mind began to feel regret, began to feel a desire to undo what had been done. Thus began the weaning of The Body. The Body still felt those impulses. Body still wanted them. Still threw a fit when the Mind would not indulge. But the Mind held strong. Or tried to. There were occasional bouts of weakness when The screaming of Body was too much. But the Mind remembered the Spirit. The Mind remembered the light. The friendship. The joy. And these kept the Mind trying. Over time, with the Mind denying the Body, the Body began to understand. Began to feel the void. Began to see the goal. And the Body began to help the Mind. The Body whined less. The Body tried to fight the impulses alone. And when it got to much, Body would turn to Mind for help. The two struggled alone for a time. It seemed such a long time too. One day, when Mind was helping to distract Body, they heard a sound behind them. Both turned to look and lo! what and exciting discovery to see Spirit returning from the dead. It was the same Spirit they had once known, only smaller and weaker. They were so happy to be reunited. Together, Body and Mind nurtured Spirit back to health. It took time. More time than the two had spent without Spirit. And it was hard. So very hard. At times, it seemed that no progress was being made. But they never forgot their goal. They never stopped working. All three remembered their once glorious happiness. They remembered and they worked. And eventually, they got there.