Shiny Shena the Shaman

Shena brings up a good question: if there were no expectations and no taboos, what would I want?

I spend a lot of time in my life thinking about all of the things I do. I think about all of the things I want and how they effect my choices. Actually, more often than not, I think about how the things I want effect how I feel about what I have already done. Quite frequently I have found that my desires and my actions are not necessarily in agreement. I wonder if maybe what I want is only an illusion. Perhaps what I really want, deep down in my bone marrow, is the true motivation behind my actions. Unfortunately I cannot think of any plausible way to test this theory. So, my secondary plan of action is to create such a forceful set of desires in my conscious brain (the one that may be illusory) that its sheer mass squashes any underlying wants. I know, its a very brutish way to solve my problems....but its a method I have used before in bouldering so I am hoping it works in this setting too.

But back to the original question...If there were no taboos or expectations, what would I do with my life? What would I pursue? Well, because I use my blog as a medium for self exploration/expression, prepare to hear what I have to say about this. I would like to think that I would strive to spend all of my time outside. Well, maybe not all, but a good chunk of it. It is very possible I would not wear clothes nearly as often as I do now. (What? No taboos, remember?) I would definitely not be in college, and I would probably be in either Portland or Provo. ...To be totally honest, I am not sure how to fully answer this question? I think it is more useful as benchmark for judging how happy we are with the road our life is currently on. It is questions like these that guide us as we strive for that elusive state of perfect happiness.

As we use these benchmarks, we also have the blessing of other people. Everyday we come in contact with more people, and for better or worse, they influence our journey. Allow me to use this opportunity to thank just a few of those people who have influenced my journey. (mostly for the better) There are some of you who didn't get in here because I couldn't find you on the internet. But you also aren't reading this, so thank you to all those who see this.