Frosted, Corn, and Wheaties

Let us mull over the thoughts in my head.

I have been thinking lately about people's intentions. To be specific, I am thinking about how a person's actions speak volumes about them. All too often these actions do not agree with the words of the individual. People often say they care about someone while at the same time falling through on commitments with said person. I am not talking about backing out of a marriage proposal. I am speaking of verbal agreements, more commonly called invitations, that are extended and accepted by people every day. But, it has been my experience that people are more than willing to accept an invitation without ever actually following through. Or, similarly, they will say something along the lines of, "Let's get lunch sometime!" and then promptly forget the whole idea.

Now, I am not whining here. I already whined at my sister about the whole thing. What I want to do here is muse about the potential for understanding the people described above (we will call them Flakes) and their motivations below the conscious level.

I have a theory in life that you can tell what a person actually cares about by looking at what they make time for. People who love to knit will knit, no matter how busy they get. People who love to cook will cook. Similarly, if a Sandy cares about Ted, she will say, "Let's get lunch!" and then she will make time for lunch with him. When Richmond says to Taylor, "I'll call you after work and we can go thrift shopping," and then never calls, we can assume that he didn't actually care.

And, as with most of life, there is a continuum. The more frequently someone falls through on plans, the higher the probability that they are a Flake. And the less likely they care about you. Although, I take issue with myself here. I know a lot of Flakes. And were you to ask most of them, they would tell you that they care. They care about me, and they care about everyone else, and they feel bad about all the events that have helped them achieve the title "Flake". And these people confuse me. These people fall in a grey spot in my continuum. Sometimes they make time for me, sometimes not. How should these people be classified? Are they Flakes? Do they care? I don't know what to do with them.

To end these musings, I have a question: Is this a cause-effect relationship? A people Flakes because they don't care? And can you, by forcing yourself to follow through, cause yourself to care? It is thoughts like these that keep me up at night. Let me know what you think.

Ancient Wisdom

I wanted to share with you a bit of what I am reading, because I quite like it.

Gifts to and fro help a friendship endure.

To a friend be a friend and give gift for gift;
Jest should be taken with jest, wile with wile.

To a friend be a friend, both to him and his friend;
But to enemy's friend, be not bound by friendship.

If you know a friend, believe in him and desire his goodwill,
Go share his tastes, and gifts exchange; go often seek him out.

When I was young I traveled alone and wandered away from the road;
I thought myself rich when I met with a man, for a man is good company.

Noble, courageous men live best; they seldom harbor sorrow.
A foolish man fears many things and begrudges every gift.

The Sounds of Happiness

These are songs I have put together to brighten your day. It is by no means a comprehensive list of all happy songs ever, but it is a good collection nonetheless. I dare you to listen to the whole playlist and be cranky at the end (contrary people need not take this challenge).

So, that being said, enjoy chair dancing (or regular dancing) to this list of happy.

Open-Faced Sandwhich

We live in a society that seems to be full of people who are unwilling to be vulnerable, who are too easily offended and who are horrified that they might give reason for others to feel offended. While none of these qualities are evil of themselves, they have become so prevalent in the world in which I live, that they are almost crippling. Nobody can say or do anything because somebody else might get offended and make a big stink about it. This attitude is so common that people are applying it to situations where it doesn't need to be applied. And I have decided to fight this trend.

I was talking with my friend Camille the other day. She is quite an amazing individual. She also believes in being honest and speaking what she feels. There is no reason to be subtle about something, dropping hints at what you want and hoping someone else catches your hints and is willing to act on them. (although, acting is dangerous. It might offend...) This problem seems especially plague Provo's dating world. Nobody is ever willing to actually tell another person they are interested. And so nobody ever gets anyone they want. And they all complain about it, myself included. But no longer!! I am going to begin to tell people what I want. Whether I want to date a girl, go to Taco Bell, or dance swing even though I'm awful, I am going to just come out and say it.

This same idea applies to making friends. If I want to be friends with a person, I am going to invite him/her to activities with me. I will proactively obtain said person's phone number and I will use it without chagrin.

By the same token, I sincerely hope that nobody is offended by this. I really do like people, and I want you all to be happy. However, in the interest of improving the world around me, I am going to buck this unfortunate social trend. Wish me luck!!

Coffee, Rain, and You

This is a chai latte. Although not all chai lattes are blessed with antennae like this one, they are almost all delicious. Why am I making you look at this tasty dactyl? Because it is a starting point for my thought.

The other day I was having a conversation with somebody (Russell maybe?) and were discussing coffee shops and the people who frequent them. I mentioned that I happen to enjoy sitting around a coffee shop, sipping a chai and nibbling a muffin while I read a book or chat with friends. And it occurred to me that most people from Portland enjoy this pastime. In fact, most people from the Pacific Northwest enjoy this pastime. What is it about living on the rainy west coast that makes you a hipster? And are all coffee shop junkies hipsters? I would like to think that I am not a hipster, just a regular fellow.

So, what do you think? Did living in Portland make me this way? Or did I live in Portland due to a predisposition to sit in coffee shops?

Cheese and Wine

Those who know me would probably agree that I am a fairly confident fellow. I carry myself pretty confidently, and I am comfortable with my appearance. I like my hobbies and the person they make me. Generally, I feel that I can say I actually truly like me. But I noticed tonight that I still feel that I am undeserving of so much in life. A group of people I know went on a bike ride tonight and Jeff invited me to come. I politely turned him down, and as he rode away, I tried to figure out why. I have come up with a theory, which I will now present before you:

The group of people going were people who I consider really, really quality people who I kind of wish I could be more like. They are the people who are confident and are following their desire and actually accomplishing cool things. Also, one of them was a girl I have met many times previously who is, to put it frankly, stunning. Perfect ten in appearance, and as far as I know, a killer personality. And the reason my bizarre mind came up with to turn them down was the lurking suspicion that I just don't deserve to go. The idea that I am a step down from them, like in a caste system.

This is absolutely ridiculous. I know them, and I like them, and they like me. But for some reason, I often feel like I would be a burden. I don't want to be in the way or irritating. So I don't go. Or if I do go, I sit quietly in the back and let them enjoy themselves without me (Whoever "they" happen to be at the time). And this tendency leads me to feel left out quite a bit. Although I am in reality left out, it can probably be traced back to me.

BUT...

This leads me to another topic that I want to complain about. I know, complaining is annoying, and I usually don't, but I am going to right now. Because I feel like it, and its my blog. I can do what I want. So, the ten of you who will read this, I apologize. If you are offended, call me and I'll make you cookies.

Why am I always the one who has to be friendly? I have been in my ward for over a year, and I know pretty much everyone in the ward by name. I have had at least a short conversation with probably 98% of the people in my ward, and I worked pretty hard to get there. Its not easy to hold a conversation with some of these people. Despite this past year of efforts, I can sit through all three hours of church and I'm lucky if one person takes the time to say hello to me. Why is this? How can I go to a class every single day and sit next to the same small number of people and not one of them will ever say hello to me? I realize that I can't complain if I'm not doing anything, but I have lots of acquaintances and friends who I introduced myself to, and I am the one who always follows up in maintaining the connection. And sometimes, I just get tired of it. It is these times when I wonder, "Am I scary looking?" Maybe I have the appearance of a loony or a criminal.

Now, I know there is no real reason. Simply put, most people just don't think about that. They don't have the strange brain that I have. Most people we see a person alone in a park and not think twice about it. I, on the other hand, am quite likely to walk over and invite that person to participate in whatever my group is doing. So I can't hold other people up to the same strange standard as myself. But it still gets irritating sometimes when nobody says hello.

So my irritations today are that I somehow managed to convince myself that I don't deserve to be friends with the people I think are the coolest, and I am the only person in the world who seems to care about inviting other people to be friends.



Postscript: I realize that Jeff's invitation tonight flies in the face of my later rant, but let it be known that Jeff's invitation is an anomaly.