The Ugly Face Of Fear

I have come to a conclusion. It is based on years of evidence. I am convinced that this is the only explanation for the phenomenon. What phenomenon? Let me explain.

If I sit in an empty room, surrounded by empty chairs, the seats next to me will be the last seats occupied. This is always true. For example, in my Econ class on Tuesday, I saw Karen from my ward. She looked at me, and I said hello an waved. She then sat three rows behind me. As the room filled up, the seats next to me remained empty. Another example: every Sunday at church, no matter where I sit, the seats next to me will remain unoccupied until the very last possible moment when there are no other seats anywhere. I have even seen people sit on the floor, rather than sit by me. And I have come up with an explanation for this.

I must be terrifying.

My appearance has to be the most intimidating, fear inspiring appearance on earth. People are actually afraid to sit next to me. And I understand this. I am pretty darn manly. So manly in fact, I could scare a bear to death with one grimace. Apparently.

An alternative explanation is that I am truly hideous. I mean the kind of hideous they make movies about. The kind of hideous that plastic surgeons are willing to fix for free, if only I'll stop looking at them. I find this explanation implausible, considering how likely it is that my frightening manliness translates directly into attractiveness. That actually gives another option. I am so good looking, people are intimidated by me. They can't sit by someone that good looking, lest they appear ugly by comparison. That must be it.

Well, world, you are pretty just as you are. I am not going to bite you. Now come talk to me in class.