Open-Faced Sandwhich

We live in a society that seems to be full of people who are unwilling to be vulnerable, who are too easily offended and who are horrified that they might give reason for others to feel offended. While none of these qualities are evil of themselves, they have become so prevalent in the world in which I live, that they are almost crippling. Nobody can say or do anything because somebody else might get offended and make a big stink about it. This attitude is so common that people are applying it to situations where it doesn't need to be applied. And I have decided to fight this trend.

I was talking with my friend Camille the other day. She is quite an amazing individual. She also believes in being honest and speaking what she feels. There is no reason to be subtle about something, dropping hints at what you want and hoping someone else catches your hints and is willing to act on them. (although, acting is dangerous. It might offend...) This problem seems especially plague Provo's dating world. Nobody is ever willing to actually tell another person they are interested. And so nobody ever gets anyone they want. And they all complain about it, myself included. But no longer!! I am going to begin to tell people what I want. Whether I want to date a girl, go to Taco Bell, or dance swing even though I'm awful, I am going to just come out and say it.

This same idea applies to making friends. If I want to be friends with a person, I am going to invite him/her to activities with me. I will proactively obtain said person's phone number and I will use it without chagrin.

By the same token, I sincerely hope that nobody is offended by this. I really do like people, and I want you all to be happy. However, in the interest of improving the world around me, I am going to buck this unfortunate social trend. Wish me luck!!

Coffee, Rain, and You

This is a chai latte. Although not all chai lattes are blessed with antennae like this one, they are almost all delicious. Why am I making you look at this tasty dactyl? Because it is a starting point for my thought.

The other day I was having a conversation with somebody (Russell maybe?) and were discussing coffee shops and the people who frequent them. I mentioned that I happen to enjoy sitting around a coffee shop, sipping a chai and nibbling a muffin while I read a book or chat with friends. And it occurred to me that most people from Portland enjoy this pastime. In fact, most people from the Pacific Northwest enjoy this pastime. What is it about living on the rainy west coast that makes you a hipster? And are all coffee shop junkies hipsters? I would like to think that I am not a hipster, just a regular fellow.

So, what do you think? Did living in Portland make me this way? Or did I live in Portland due to a predisposition to sit in coffee shops?

Cheese and Wine

Those who know me would probably agree that I am a fairly confident fellow. I carry myself pretty confidently, and I am comfortable with my appearance. I like my hobbies and the person they make me. Generally, I feel that I can say I actually truly like me. But I noticed tonight that I still feel that I am undeserving of so much in life. A group of people I know went on a bike ride tonight and Jeff invited me to come. I politely turned him down, and as he rode away, I tried to figure out why. I have come up with a theory, which I will now present before you:

The group of people going were people who I consider really, really quality people who I kind of wish I could be more like. They are the people who are confident and are following their desire and actually accomplishing cool things. Also, one of them was a girl I have met many times previously who is, to put it frankly, stunning. Perfect ten in appearance, and as far as I know, a killer personality. And the reason my bizarre mind came up with to turn them down was the lurking suspicion that I just don't deserve to go. The idea that I am a step down from them, like in a caste system.

This is absolutely ridiculous. I know them, and I like them, and they like me. But for some reason, I often feel like I would be a burden. I don't want to be in the way or irritating. So I don't go. Or if I do go, I sit quietly in the back and let them enjoy themselves without me (Whoever "they" happen to be at the time). And this tendency leads me to feel left out quite a bit. Although I am in reality left out, it can probably be traced back to me.

BUT...

This leads me to another topic that I want to complain about. I know, complaining is annoying, and I usually don't, but I am going to right now. Because I feel like it, and its my blog. I can do what I want. So, the ten of you who will read this, I apologize. If you are offended, call me and I'll make you cookies.

Why am I always the one who has to be friendly? I have been in my ward for over a year, and I know pretty much everyone in the ward by name. I have had at least a short conversation with probably 98% of the people in my ward, and I worked pretty hard to get there. Its not easy to hold a conversation with some of these people. Despite this past year of efforts, I can sit through all three hours of church and I'm lucky if one person takes the time to say hello to me. Why is this? How can I go to a class every single day and sit next to the same small number of people and not one of them will ever say hello to me? I realize that I can't complain if I'm not doing anything, but I have lots of acquaintances and friends who I introduced myself to, and I am the one who always follows up in maintaining the connection. And sometimes, I just get tired of it. It is these times when I wonder, "Am I scary looking?" Maybe I have the appearance of a loony or a criminal.

Now, I know there is no real reason. Simply put, most people just don't think about that. They don't have the strange brain that I have. Most people we see a person alone in a park and not think twice about it. I, on the other hand, am quite likely to walk over and invite that person to participate in whatever my group is doing. So I can't hold other people up to the same strange standard as myself. But it still gets irritating sometimes when nobody says hello.

So my irritations today are that I somehow managed to convince myself that I don't deserve to be friends with the people I think are the coolest, and I am the only person in the world who seems to care about inviting other people to be friends.



Postscript: I realize that Jeff's invitation tonight flies in the face of my later rant, but let it be known that Jeff's invitation is an anomaly.

Sitting In Place

Occasionally, life presents you with something rather desirable. Sometimes, life, the middle-aged meddler, will present you with something else at the same time that is perhaps more desirable, though less obtainable. (Oh! I love the Pumpkins. 1979, sing to me) The problem with this scenario is that usually we have to choose one or the other. An example would be, "Do you want to very probably go to Mexico, or maybe go to Spain?" See what I mean? One is easier to get, but not as cool. The other, rarer and cooler. And that is enough background for today's question:

How often do we pass up something good in hopes of something better?

Considering my current position in life it is not surprising that I would apply this line of thinking to marriage and its affiliates. There are many wonderful women in the world. Occasionally, they deign to date us mediocre men. Most relationships fail, either by choice or simply due to their explosive nature. Either way, most relationships end before the babies start happening. And I feel like some of these endings can be traced back to one or the other passing up the "something good" that they have in hand to hopefully be available for "something better" they hope is at the next stop. Why? Trace this back to another closely held belief of mine.

People could benefit from being wherever they are. All too often I have seen friends focus on changes just over the horizon as the beginning of their happiness. What they never realize is that no matter how far you move, the horizon is always in front of you. You will never actually reach it, and therefore will never reach your happiness. The happiest people are those who learn to enjoy their current place in life. Tying this back in to the above thoughts, there would be many happy marriages if people could simply see the beautiful that they have. Please see this as very different that settling. People who settle still wish for what's over the horizon. People who learn to be happy are truly happy with what they have, because all they see is the good.

And, as often, I would like to follow up my thoughts with a call to action. Let us all learn to be where we are. Let us learn to be with whoever we are with. Let us choose to be happy.

Beautiful Adventure

Lately, I have found myself wanting more out of life. I am not happy with climbing three times a week and spending the rest of my time essentially immobile, in one activity or another. Sure, I go on the occasional weekly bike ride. Sure, I go slacklining monthly. But I'm just no happy with the way things are. I have met quite a number of people lately who are well traveled and well experienced. They have lived in Italy, or backpacked through Peru, or lived in a van in Jackson for a year. The more people I meet, the more I am able to identify a pattern: the coolest people I know are the people who have had the most varied experiences.

And this causes me to wonder about my own life. I have had very few experiences. I have been to Alaska for a summer. That pretty much covers it. I don't even make weekend climbing trips. I am in the epicenter of great western climbing trips, and I have made one. That is pathetic. Add to this the fact that I am a recreation major, and you begin to wonder what the bugger is wrong with me. Why am I not experiencing life and the world?

In the past, I always attributed this to the fact that I am just not a traveler. But maybe I was just thinking about it wrong. To me, traveling always just seemed like a waste of time. You go somewhere, you look at stuff, you spend money, you come home. But maybe there is a different way to go about it. Maybe traveling is about absorbing more of the world. Maybe it is about experiencing people and places and using those experiences to grow and improve yourself. And maybe I should try it?

All of these thoughts are brought on by the absolutely incredible people I have met. I look at these people and wonder how they can be so amazing. And I have realized that they all have the same thing in common. They have actually done some really cool things. So, in my quest to improve myself, it would seem that I need to put some really cool things in the queue. Maybe I will go hike the appalachain trail. Maybe I will live in England after I graduate. Maybe I will just start weekly trips to adventure on my weekends. Whatever it is, something has to happen. I have to start experiencing the world that God has created for me.

So, Yes, I would like to go with you to Zion. Yes, I would like to go boating. Yes, I would like to go live in Italy with you. And Yes, you are invited this weekend to go to Goblin Valley.

SufjanWineFrapp

Much of music today is the same. It is remarkably hard to come up with a song that won't cause someone to say, "Hey...that sounds a lot like Martyr Killer." (I made that band up, I think. Although metal-heads everywhere are already forming that band). For example, this guy sounds pretty much exactly like this guy. But I have decided that this is okay. If you like it from one source, why wouldn't you enjoy it from another source?

I have come across music snobs on a fairly regular basis. In fact, most of my life I was a music snob. In fact, the angriest I have ever been was the first time I heard this song. Since that moment I have come to grips with my music snobbery. I have learned to enjoy slow by Kylie Minogue (forgive the video) and also enjoy Golfrapp without feeling like its just a cheap Kylie frap-off. (I am so dang funny).

This whole round of thoughts comes from a couple conversations with my roomie Steven. This week I had the chance to record with The Brocks, a band here in Provo. It was quite a bit of fun, and the band is actually really good. I quite like them. But when I showed Steven, all he could say was, "It sounds like Dr Dog." It irritated me when he said it, although I didn't know why at the time. I now realize why that bugs me. When people are totally focused on what something sounds like, instead of what they are listening to, they are totally disregarding the effort the musicians put into their music. I feel like more concern should be given to listening to a song or artist for their own good qualities. Enjoy what you're listening to, not what you could listen to. That is my rant. Enjoy.

Beauty vs Me

Attractive women have power. You may not agree with me. If you're an attractive woman (you probably don't think you are, even if it's true), you may not agree with me. But it is true. I can attest to that fact. Science has attested to that fact. Just to be sure, I spent the last hour and a half researching the topic in various scientific journals. And the fact exists that beautiful people have it good. And that's okay. Its a fact of life and there's no point in whining about it. What bothers me is that I don't seem to have any control. Even though I am aware of it, and watching for it, and guarding against it, pretty girls almost always get their pretty-treatment from me. Let me cite an example:

Yesterday I went to first day of classes for Summer term at BYU. As is common for this campus, all of my classes contain varying quantities of attractive women. Actually, let me rephrase. Because I attend BYU, nigh all the females in my classes are attractive in varied levels and degrees. And here is where things become irksome. It is a point of pride in my life that I accept people for who they are and treat them as their actions and behaviors warrant, regardless of external factors. No fewer than twice I caught myself giving the more attractive female variants preferential treatment. And that is simply infuriating. Not that I treated them in this manner, rather that I had no power over the differential in their treatment versus the treatment of more garden variety girls.

It's not that I treat attractive girls any better than I treat anyone else. The difference in my behavior is subtle and hard to explain. I just don't like the fact that pretty people are unintentionally coercing the world around them at all times. None of us even stand a chance. The beautiful people will get what they get (usually better than average) whether we want them to or not.



Say what you will about my theory. But I guarantee life treats her (above) better than it treats me (below).



Okay, that is actually a pretty sexy picture. Of me. Anyway....

While most of my posts have some sort of moral or post at the end, this one does not. I simply wanted to point this out. I would also like to point out that BYU has an inordinate amount of beautiful women. I think they out number the uglies about 4-1. Now that I've put this out there, do what you want with it.